Thursday, May 31, 2007

yes, it was

after dinner and a long tiring day, the polymath and i fell to talking.

s: long day.
p: yeh.
s: really tired.
p: welcome to my world.
s: ...
p: may was a bad month.
s: yeh.
p: you were sick a lot.
s: (cough)
p: i was always tired from work.
s: (cough cough)
p: april was the best.
s: yeh.
p: ...

then he had to go home, an hour or so away.
and now i'm waiting for him to tell me he's home safe.

sigh.

Monday, May 28, 2007

the most mundane

it's the last monday of may and things are getting even more hectic at casa sandrita. quick update:

1) still coughing, which is scary. so i'm going vegan for the next 3 weeks to speed up the healing. will have to be vigilant also about hidden dairy and sugar in stuff i eat. to make the vegan vow feasible, i've stocked up on leafy veggies and mushrooms and salad stuff. will commence chopping herbs (basil & coriander) after i post this. i would kill to have fresher produce but i live in the big bad city. since my flat is spitting distance from a mall (and a new one across the street from that), i buy my nosh from the grocery. i try to shop on days when they've just replenished their veggie stock; otherwise i might end up with dead & wilted greens.

2) my friend partybread is in england right now for a conference. he sent me some photos of castle coombe, a village near bath, with an old crumbling church. but he's in london now, and just sent a video of the poet's corner (at westminster abbey?). lots of dead white guys there, all the names we read in school. methinks my friend is going on an english major's pilgrimage, as watching othello at the old globe theater (a replica) is also on his itinerary.

3) went to church last night after a long-ish spell of not going. sat with my cousins, R & G (due to give birth july). G asked how the wedding plans are going and when i said we haven't done anything actual planning, she gave me an earful. she told me to at least imagine what kind of wedding i want, to draw up a wish list. some ideas:
  • wedding in may 2008
  • on a rooftop, with maybe kites (balloons are evil)
  • ceremony ends at sunset
  • no color theme, just cream or bone or ivory, maybe old gold accents
  • paper planes for invitations
  • no wedding cake, just a big stack of iced cupcakes with little flowers so everyone can eat
  • easy sings capital I, cel sings lowercase N, polymath picks the music to eat by
  • marby is best man, ricky is maid of honor
  • kitty is flower dog
hee.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

lookee! photos!







these were taken with crappy camera phones. so be nice, okay?

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

thtill thick

came down with something thursday night. it's already tuesday noon and i'm still in bad shape. been coughing. voice still really hoarse (i suspect i'd sound froggy on the phone if i tried to call anyone). it's really annoying because i can't work on my little side projects in this condition. argh.

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

a 2nd false memory

was with the polymath the other night at the block. while walking there to meet him, i had this sudden image of miranda de quiros looking very different from how i remember her.

we used to be neighbors and our parents knew each other and so i spent a lot of afternoons in her house after school. i must have been six. i remember she had one book with line drawings of 2 hairy people having sex. i also remember how she used to make ken do funny things to barbie, complete with dialogue and sound effects. it's pretty funny now but at the time, i was always a little scared of her.

when we were both in kindergarten, she was extremely tall for her age. she stood at four feet, eleven inches. in kindergarten! i think she was also already wearing a bra. in kindergarten! i am not making this up, i promise you. but by fourth grade, we had drifted apart. she was already firmly entrenched in the cool crowd by then, with other hormonally precocious girls at JASMS. also, by fourth grade, she had stopped growing. i think by the time we were in high school or college, she was still 4'11". she was also, uhm, a little less slender by then.

anyway...

so as i was walking to the block from my house to meet the polymath, i had this sudden image of miranda, smiling and walking and looking much thinner and really really hot. just that. a flash in my head of miranda de quiros as a hottie.

can someone please tell me if she really is thinner now? i hate to think that my mind is playing tricks on me again. i don't really watch the news, especially not abs-cbn. too depressing on so many different levels. i'd rather bury myself in sugar-free ice cream while watching egyptologists try to figure out if the mystery mummy in niagara falls is actually rameses the first.

baker turns ice cream maker

it's too damn hot to bake these days. so even if i have cookie crumbs and cream cheese ready for a cheesecake, they still languish in my fridge uneaten.

thanks to the new fridge my sister bought last year from friends who migrated to the states, i can now easily make ice cream using a cuisinart ice cream & sorbet maker thingy my mom gave us some years ago. because the new fridge freezes things more efficiently, i can just store the little revolving freezy tub in the freezer and make sorbet or fruit slushies whenever i have orange juice on hand.

but i got tired of using the gadget in a half-assed way so i decided to make real ice cream. my first attempt was, of course, a disaster.

i got this chocolate ice cream recipe from epicurious.com that resulted in a sludge that was more pudding than custard. it almost wrecked the machine. it was just too thick to allow the paddle to rotate. so i tipped the sludge into a bowl and stirred in a cup of soymilk to thin it out. it froze into a dark and dense chocolate ice cream.

but because i have this bad habit of fiddling with a good thing, i almost mucked up half of the custard by pouring in a little too much mint extract. unfrozen, it tasted like chocolate mint toothpaste. but frozen, the flavors dulled a little and turned out perfect. am glad i'm the only one in my family who likes weird flavors so i have that all to myself.

i tried a new recipe the other night -- mocha chip ice cream. the recipe looks a little dodgy because there's no egg or cooking required. just lots of cream and milk, cocoa and instant coffee dumped into a bowl and whipped. some vanilla. and i substituted splenda for sugar.

the problem i think came from one tetrabrik of "cream" that some genius (me) had left in the freezer. it explicitly says DO NOT FREEZE on the outside of the tetrabrik packaging. i thought if i thawed it out, it would be okay. NOT. the water in it turns to ice and the milkfat sort of curdles weirdly between the little shards of ice. i couldn't very well whip a block of frozen dairy product into the other ingredients so i grated the mess into the sludge i was making. since the other ingredients were already chilled, the grated cream curds didn't melt or meld into the mixture.

still, it worked out in the end. it had to because splenda is expensive. a few minutes before the ice cream got churned properly, i tossed in some chopped ghirardhelli semisweet chocolate into the soft ice cream. so now i have mocha chip ice cream with little studs of cream in it.

yay.

summertime time time

and the living's easy...


well, not really. it's getting really hot in the afternoons again. and humid. the dogs here at home are constantly hiding under beds and couches.

lots going on in the house today. the part-time maid has been cleaning and washing laundry since this morning. i've been trying to work through this heat as well.

funny how the minute i went online, i got four instant messages from friends i rarely see. then later, i saw tenzin and phuong online and got to chat with them too. and a former student who kept saying nasty things about the recent elections.

tsk, the company i keep... sort of.

Saturday, May 12, 2007

let's talk megapixels

the two people who still visit this blog may have noticed the utter utter lack of photos here. it's not that i don't have photos to post--i have several gigabytes' worth of photos in my hard drive and on CDs. and lovely photos they are too.

my problem is sifting through them and choosing the prettiest ones and making them web-ready will take waaaaaaay too long. i'd have to fire up photoshop for that (a rogue copy of which, thanks to my recent reformat, i no longer possess) before i can upload em.

you see, i use a casio exilim 6.0 megapixel camera, which in these 10-megapixel days isn't impressive at all. but snapping away with my lovely resurrected camera results in gonzo photos, megapixelly speaking. the average file size of my photos is between 1 to 2 megabytes. and i have a couple of thousand of them hibernating peacefully in this laptop.

of course, as tenzin pointed out to me last year, i can always adjust the settings on my camera. at the moment, i create photos with a resolution high enough to be used to make those monster billboards on edsa. a simple change of settings will let me take web-ready photos that need no fiddling.

so why do i insist on what i have now?

well, one summer day outside jogyesa temple near insa-dong with my buddy JD, i captured a lot of nifty details using that resolution without even realizing it. i remember taking photos of people at prayer who were circling this stone pagoda. they walked counter-clockwise several times and would pause and bow towards the pagoda from various directions. i just kept snapping away while looking for the best angle and orientation for this old man in dark grey pajamas, praying and waving incense sticks.

once i got home and started looking through the photos in my camera, i spotted a tiny figure seated on one of the tiers of the pagoda above the head of the old man. i zoomed in as much as i could and found it was a doll dressed as a bald monk and smiling serenely at me. it was a little creepy at the time but now i see it as a of benediction of sorts.

so... i'm keeping the camera settings. but who knows? maybe one of these days, you'll finally finally see some photos here.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

apparently, it's all in my mind

there is this moment i remember that seems so real i can feel the certainty in my bones, under the skin, just beyond my fingertips, the shadow of some flavor on the tongue.

i'm rushing down one of the wider streets of myeongdong early in the morning. the wind whips the grey knitted skirt against my calves. i'm wearing my bright red sweater, the color of fire and summer. i can feel the cold start to creep into my toes. the air is sharp and crisp. it bites at my cheeks, makes my eyes water. it looks like i am crying but i'm not. behind me are business hotels in primary colors, with names like ibis or ibex. around and above me are tall buildings, miles of retail space crammed with what koreans call fashion. pastel colored scraps of clothing worn in layers that make otherwise pretty girls appear like candy-colored mummies. there is migliore. and lotte young. and kosney. sunlight hits glass at an angle so i can't see what's in the shop windows. somewhere in the midst of this steel and glass and pavement is the oldest church in korea, the cathedral. it is early autumn and leaves haven't turned yet. i run as if there's someone after me, chasing after my heart. but i'm just rushing to a subway station to catch the train home.

the strangest thing about this moment is that it didn't happen. but i think it captures the panic and grief i used to feel almost every day when i was thousands of kilometers away from people i loved most. although i learned to love other people there, i have to say it was never enough, never the same. even if i tried.

...

on a separate note... been reading diane ackerman's Alchemy of Mind in between bouts of work. had tried to read ackerman's Rarest of the Rare but failed to sustain a feigned interest in monk seals, monarch butterflies and other endangered species. my indifference to wildlife can also be seen in my TV-watching habits--i just cannot stand those nature documentaries on national geographic. but i do like stuff involving excavation, bones and crumbling artifacts.

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

fever & flashbacks

been having the strangest flashbacks all day, all of them involving seoul and alcohol and various friends/acquaintances of various nationalities. i can think of several triggers:

trigger #1
i recently clicked through the korea photos i had backed up on my hard drive, to check how well my laptop worked after my buddy partybread spiffed it up with new memory and a reformat. i felt compelled to just click through all of them one night, and i just noticed after a bit that i'd been giggling and crying and it was already light outside my window. that was 3 weeks ago.

trigger #2
been chatting a lot with a very good friend back in seoul. something he's been waiting for for a year now is finally happening and i'm really happy that there'll be one less lonely foreigner in seoul by month's end.

trigger #3
although my cable TV apparently doesn't have the arirang channel, i discovered that KBS world is on channel 75. so far, i've seen a documentary of a japanese girl talking about japan and korea's messy joint history (the girl's body language reminded me of kanako), and just this afternoon, a short and slightly xenophopic feature about a girl's coming-of-age ceremony in sri lanka. actually, i thought i was looking at a school for girls in india, but when the film crew was asked to step out of the classroom, i recognized the squiggly ensaymada-like swirls of sinhala script painted on the building's walls. and that, of course, reminded me of my friend kalinga who has to stay in korea till 2008. he's in film school, i think.

but beyond the triggers, there lies the flashback phenomenon itself. was chatting with good friend R (who is PhDing in michigan now) late one night recently, and he asked me if i missed korea at all. everyone who asked this question when i got back last september got an earful of vociferous denials from me. as recently as last month, i'd tell people i would not willingly go back and live/work there.

so anyway...i told R that i mainly miss the friends i made there. i also told him i honestly miss the fact that there was no pressure to make a living when i was there since we received a very generous stipend from the korean government. i really did enjoy that, haha. ha. no wonder the wealthy people i know here in manila are always so bloody chipper. who wouldn't be happy to blow 30 dollars on a schmancy meal and not care too much?

but i must say what i miss most was the strangeness of the whole experience. that life i had, that self i constructed is in many ways very different from what i have here. everything was different over there. in the beginning, i felt betrayed by nature because the sky was still light at 8pm and everything was too damn cold. now that i'm here in warmer weather, i can choose to remember the washed-out colors and the watery light and the blooming and the hush and the seeming perpetual aloneness. and actually miss all of it.

trigger #4
i could be coming down with something. been feeling feverish since 2 in the afternoon. not quite delirium and hallucination but still...

P.S.
hey, polymath. methinks you been working too hard. je tu manque.*




*je tu manque is french for i miss you. but i find it so appropriate that "manque" as a noun speaks of a lack, a shortage. a gap and an emptiness.

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

wanda the witch

finally found the spiel for this. yay.


The story of Wanda the witch is brought to you by the letter W.

Wanda the witch lived somewhere west of Washington.
Around her waist, instead of a belt, she wore a worm.
Wanda had a pet weasel.

Weasel: I am a weasel.

And on her head, a wiry wig.
On Wednesday, in the middle of winter,
Wanda walked to the well
to get water to wash her wig.

But the wheel on the well was worn,
and Wanda grew weary.

So she waved her wand,
and her washtub filled with warm water.
But just as Wanda was about to drop her wig
into the warm water, a wild wind
whipped the wig from her hand
and blew it away forever.

Which taught Wanda this lesson:
witches who wash their wigs
on windy winter Wednesdays
are wacky.

This witch story was brought to you courtesy of the letter W.

2 songs for my wedding next year

yes, really. i'm not kidding.


Capital I

We all live in a capital I
In the middle of the desert
In the center of the sky
And all day long we polish on the I
To keep it clean and shiny
So it brightens up the sky
Rubbing it here
And scrubbing it there
Polishing the I
So high in the air

As we work we sing a lively tune
"It is great to be so happy on a busy afternoon."
And when we're through with the day's only chore
We go into the I
And we close the door

Capital I, capital I, capital I, capital I


Lowercase N


In a cold and far-off place
There was a lowercase N.
Lonely and cold, she would stare off into space
And it was known that she would cry now and then.

Lowercase N, standing on a hill.
The wind is very still, for the lower-case eh-en...

(occasional, unearthly "oohs" in background now)

And then one day a rocketship
Came racing from the sky.
It landed on the hill and there opened up a door
And somethin' started comin' outside...

A lowercase N!
(She's not lonely anymo-o-re)
They are standing on the hill
(There are two that stand for su-u-ure)
The wind is very still
For the lowercase eh-ens!

a happy thought







What horrible Edward Gorey Death will you die?




You will perish of fits. Repeat this to yourself: "Things can work out even if I don't get my way. Things can work out even...."
Take this quiz!








Quizilla |
Join

| Make A Quiz | More Quizzes | Grab Code

so i'm back online

that was a loooong hiatus, eh?

lots have happened to me since i last posted here. will try to keep the updates brief.

1) got engaged (february 9th) outside gloria jean's in cubao.
2) got into the 46th UP writers workshop in baguio (last week of april).
3) vacationed in sagada and besao with polymath and my parents (holy week).
4) won 3rd place for the essay in the philippines free press literary awards (april 10th). i tied with chari lucero.
5) got hired to teach part-time at the ateneo (mid-april).
6) got hired to teach part-time at berea arts and sciences high school (ditto).
7) got several projects that will bring me a little cash (ongoing).
8) learned how to make ice cream and sorbet (2 weeks ago).
9) reconfigured the furniture in my living room to make way for huge couch my dad bought. antique book case still waiting to be hauled out to the other house.
10) had kitty groomed (last week) so now she looks like a puppy again.

may looks to be a busy month. will have to contend with government bureaucracy sometimes this week for certain documents i need for new employment. ha ha ha. busy does not always mean fun.

but things are looking up -- will be boozing with baguio batchmates tomorrow night at K's pad in katipunan. i like what she calls her "dorm room" because it's on the 17th floor and has a fantastic view of the pseudo-grids that make up some parts of quezon city. she also has this framed photo of her dad by the window. i must say... spitting image.