not to be reductive about it but i find that saying goodbye is always heartbreaking business. whether it's to a friend, a lover, your family, a city whose people you mostly hate, a way of living you've slowly gotten used to...goodbyes are still terrible, terrible things.
still, one hopes.
tenzin and i had this conversation late last night after several rounds of gin tonics, bacardi and vodka tonics at this rock club* in jongno. we had been moping about the departure of so many of our friends, and my own leavetaking next week, and the fact that he and kalinga will be left here for the next 1.5 years.
because much as i'm excited to go home, crimson house has come to feel like home. i don't know when this happened exactly but after some field trip or another to yet another museum or folk village or buddhist temple up some mountain in the countryside, it just felt like the biggest relief to come home to a cramped room 304, crimson house at jegi-dong, dongdaemun-gu, seoul.
and then there's family. not the one i left at home but the one that i had made while living in this mostly lonely city. again, we're not sure when that happened. maybe it was at sokcho, when kalinga was holding my head up while i was vomiting at the beach, and tenzin was filming me while i tried to drunkenly light some fireworks on the wet sand. with john, maybe it was when i told him to put the "gross, melted chocolate" in the freezer to firm up.
but definitely, by the time john left in early august for tokyo, we knew that something precious had been formed and that it was all the more valuable for its being temporary. chef tristan left for home friday last week, and really, it hasn't been the same without the sulphury smell of his revolting breakfast of boiled eggwhites and chocolate protein shake.
so, yes, i've been crying again recently. but mostly because of so many good memories that's making leaving for home so much more painful that i ever expected. but as i told tenzin last night, i'm just really glad we have this capacity to find home wherever we go, and to become family to those we allow to get close enough to us.
what i really gained during my six months of living in seoul is not mastery of the korean language (haha-ha) but the knowledge that loving people isn't that difficult after all.
* goes to my the top of my list of places/things not done/discovered sooner while living in seoul. being at the quaintly named rockers (60s and 70s rock and roll club) was like being inside that high fidelity movie. the guy at the bar constantly played the most amazing pop music, the highlight of which was todd rundgren's "i saw the light", a song i had been looking for after i first heard it on a pivotal six feet under episode.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
and i feel human again
i haven't slept in two days but at last, i'm done writing all my papers. i only have seven 1-page reports to write but i'll leave that for friday. i think i need to treat myself a little more nicely starting now. i have a meeting at 2:30 pm at the KLTI office. that's more than an hour away by subway. i only have time for a quick lunch.
my brain just stopped working. am having to retype every word here because of all the damn typos. guess my hands are shaking and my nerves are shot.
big day tomorrow. it's the KLTI seminar, our final project for the Asian Writers Residency Program which i have been part of for the last six months. each of us six asian writers have to deliver three short lectures/talks on the following topics:
(1) our life here in korea - to prove we haven't wasted our time
(2) what we think of korean literature - to show that we haven't wasted their time
(3) introduce our country's literature - to fulfill the requisite culture exchange component
i like to think i was clever with my titles but now they just look pretty lame:
(1) going solo: six months alone in a city of eleven million
(2) rarefied voices: tone in some korean literature in english translation
(3) news from the islands: some trends in philippine literature in english
too many colons, eh? and i have to admit, these are chika essays. mainly because (1) any jargon might be lost on the audience and (2) i am unable to produce any passable jargon in the first place. haha. ha.
i need a massage and a facial and a deep-conditioning hair treatment and a facial peel and a visit to the dentist and lots and lots of cuddling from the polymath. which is pretty funny, considering that we've never even held hands.
my brain just stopped working. am having to retype every word here because of all the damn typos. guess my hands are shaking and my nerves are shot.
big day tomorrow. it's the KLTI seminar, our final project for the Asian Writers Residency Program which i have been part of for the last six months. each of us six asian writers have to deliver three short lectures/talks on the following topics:
(1) our life here in korea - to prove we haven't wasted our time
(2) what we think of korean literature - to show that we haven't wasted their time
(3) introduce our country's literature - to fulfill the requisite culture exchange component
i like to think i was clever with my titles but now they just look pretty lame:
(1) going solo: six months alone in a city of eleven million
(2) rarefied voices: tone in some korean literature in english translation
(3) news from the islands: some trends in philippine literature in english
too many colons, eh? and i have to admit, these are chika essays. mainly because (1) any jargon might be lost on the audience and (2) i am unable to produce any passable jargon in the first place. haha. ha.
i need a massage and a facial and a deep-conditioning hair treatment and a facial peel and a visit to the dentist and lots and lots of cuddling from the polymath. which is pretty funny, considering that we've never even held hands.
Monday, September 11, 2006
downtime for my brain #2: mp3 roulette
been editing like heck and am hoping to finish before nightfall so i can get on with my writing. except that the editing feels suspiciously like rewriting, as the originals are so frickin' bad it's driving me crazy. thankfully, it'll be over soon.
so today is crunchtime and i'm so stressed out i'm itching to break something. like my diet, or a certain person's face, or the record for eating the most number of dried cherries while blogging. instead, i take a break and play mp3 roulette. meme stolen from the blog of the love of my life*.
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
NO CHEATING!**
1. How are you feeling today? ‘Knowing Me, Knowing You.’ Cover by Evan Dando.
2. Will you get far in life? ‘They Can't Take That Away From Me.’ Billie Holiday.
3. How do your friends see you? ‘32 Flavors (Live).’ Ani DiFranco.
4. Will you get married? ‘Devil Mood.’ Smoke City.
5. What is your best friend's theme song? ‘Rock el Casbah.’ Cover of The Clash in Arabic by Rachid Taha.
6. What is the story of your life? ‘Alles Was Lebt Bewegt Sich.’ Barbara Morgenstern.
7. What was high school like? ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart.’ Cover by Nick Cave.
8. How can you get ahead in life? ‘Northern Lights.’ Lux.
9. What is the best thing about your friends? ‘When I'm Thinking About You.’ The Sundays.
10. What is today going to be like? ‘Teardrop.’ Massive Attack.
11. What is in store for this weekend? ‘38.45.’ Thievery Corporation.
12. What song describes you? ‘Light My Fire.’ Cover by Shirley Bassey, Remixed.
13. To describe your grandparents? ‘Cruisin.’ Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis.
14. How is your life going? ‘H.W.C.’ Liz Phair.
15. What song will they play at your funeral? ‘Stay in the Shade.’ Jose Gonzales.
16. How does the world see you? ‘Close My Eyes.’ Shivaree.
17. Will you have a happy life? ‘99.9 F Degrees.’ Suzanne Vega.
18. What do your friends really think of you? ‘Lighten Up.’ Morcheeba.
19. Do people secretly lust after you? ‘Para la do Para.’ Tom Ze.
20. How can I make myself happy? Excerpt from ‘Motherless Brooklyn’ by Jonathan Lethem. Read by Steve Buscemi.
21. What should you do with your life? ‘Cry Me A River.’ Ella Fitzgerald.
22. Will you ever have children? ‘Multiply.’ Jamie Lidell.
* no, you wacko, my dog doesn't blog. i meant the polymath.
** as you can see, my answers really don't make sense. but fun, eh?
so today is crunchtime and i'm so stressed out i'm itching to break something. like my diet, or a certain person's face, or the record for eating the most number of dried cherries while blogging. instead, i take a break and play mp3 roulette. meme stolen from the blog of the love of my life*.
INSTRUCTIONS
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense.
NO CHEATING!**
1. How are you feeling today? ‘Knowing Me, Knowing You.’ Cover by Evan Dando.
2. Will you get far in life? ‘They Can't Take That Away From Me.’ Billie Holiday.
3. How do your friends see you? ‘32 Flavors (Live).’ Ani DiFranco.
4. Will you get married? ‘Devil Mood.’ Smoke City.
5. What is your best friend's theme song? ‘Rock el Casbah.’ Cover of The Clash in Arabic by Rachid Taha.
6. What is the story of your life? ‘Alles Was Lebt Bewegt Sich.’ Barbara Morgenstern.
7. What was high school like? ‘Love Will Tear Us Apart.’ Cover by Nick Cave.
8. How can you get ahead in life? ‘Northern Lights.’ Lux.
9. What is the best thing about your friends? ‘When I'm Thinking About You.’ The Sundays.
10. What is today going to be like? ‘Teardrop.’ Massive Attack.
11. What is in store for this weekend? ‘38.45.’ Thievery Corporation.
12. What song describes you? ‘Light My Fire.’ Cover by Shirley Bassey, Remixed.
13. To describe your grandparents? ‘Cruisin.’ Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis.
14. How is your life going? ‘H.W.C.’ Liz Phair.
15. What song will they play at your funeral? ‘Stay in the Shade.’ Jose Gonzales.
16. How does the world see you? ‘Close My Eyes.’ Shivaree.
17. Will you have a happy life? ‘99.9 F Degrees.’ Suzanne Vega.
18. What do your friends really think of you? ‘Lighten Up.’ Morcheeba.
19. Do people secretly lust after you? ‘Para la do Para.’ Tom Ze.
20. How can I make myself happy? Excerpt from ‘Motherless Brooklyn’ by Jonathan Lethem. Read by Steve Buscemi.
21. What should you do with your life? ‘Cry Me A River.’ Ella Fitzgerald.
22. Will you ever have children? ‘Multiply.’ Jamie Lidell.
* no, you wacko, my dog doesn't blog. i meant the polymath.
** as you can see, my answers really don't make sense. but fun, eh?
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
so this is autumn*
it feels suspiciously like spring. huge clouds are scudding across a sky that is becoming less and less blue as each day passes. it can still be a little toasty, but only if you stand on a patch of sunlight at noon. stay in the shade and you start getting the chills. the days are getting shorter too. when i first got here, daylight at 7.30pm used to freak me out. now i kinda miss seeing 8pm sunsets.
i've been holed up in my tiny room all day, writing stuff. at this point, there are six reports, a book review and two lectures to prepare for. on friday, a ton of editing will be thrown my way. so the three hours a day i spend sitting in korean language classes amounts to a lot of time i could be spending working. yargh.
how to keep from going bonkers? with some prodding from the polymath, i go up to the crimson house rooftop (hands down my favorite place in seoul) for a breather. after a stifling day in my room, it's a great place to spend a summer evening with friends, especially if there's cold watermelon.
these days, though, i'm usually up there alone, with joy division covers, the sundays, and a wool sweater for company. it gets dark really quickly. before you know it, the sun is gone and eleven million lights have blinked on all over the city. in the distance, a large yellow moon hangs low on the horizon, just above the bright lights of namsan tower.
yes, halter top weather is truly over.
* no, darlings, the leaves haven't turned yet. give it time.
i've been holed up in my tiny room all day, writing stuff. at this point, there are six reports, a book review and two lectures to prepare for. on friday, a ton of editing will be thrown my way. so the three hours a day i spend sitting in korean language classes amounts to a lot of time i could be spending working. yargh.
how to keep from going bonkers? with some prodding from the polymath, i go up to the crimson house rooftop (hands down my favorite place in seoul) for a breather. after a stifling day in my room, it's a great place to spend a summer evening with friends, especially if there's cold watermelon.
these days, though, i'm usually up there alone, with joy division covers, the sundays, and a wool sweater for company. it gets dark really quickly. before you know it, the sun is gone and eleven million lights have blinked on all over the city. in the distance, a large yellow moon hangs low on the horizon, just above the bright lights of namsan tower.
yes, halter top weather is truly over.
* no, darlings, the leaves haven't turned yet. give it time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)