here we go again

spent ten minutes thinking of something to say but can't come up with anything. feeling really empty and joyless right now. been shut in my room for two days reading, and trying to write but the thoughts, the words, they just don't come. well, they did, but i couldn't focus enough to get down a single coherent thought. just a blur of associations that left me in an even darker muddled state.

oh, man. am i turning needy-neurotic-wacko again?

i'm hoping these are just symptoms of a kind of envy. my friend john dewey left korea for tokyo this morning, will spend two weeks in that hyper-expensive city, and then fly back home to minnesota. back home to his family and his friends. maybe i envy the fact that very soon, he'll be in a place that speaks his language, where people are genuinely glad to see him.

or maybe this is just hormonal. you know what i mean.

i know there's no use grousing. i'm in a strange exotic city, lots to explore still, with time to write, and think, and read. some people would kill to be in my position. but still. i really really miss home right now. will try to end on a less neurotic note, promise. here goes:

1) tenzin just called. will meet him up on the roof for a breather and drinks. with my erratic airconditioning, spending an hour on the breezy moonlit rooftop feels a lot like redemption.
2) saw the picasso exhibit last saturday at the seoul museum of art with joan and phuong. spent the afternoon giggling at wild sketches of various orifices and countless mammaries rendered in oil.
3) went shopping for skirt, light cargo pants and halter tops at myeongdong and hyehwa with joan. my spring/autumn wardrobe just won't do for these blistering late midsummer days.
4) talked to B for a few mins this evening. it was choppy but i was just so very glad to hear her voice.