losing sleep again

so it's 3am there now.

in a couple of hours you'll be awake and making that long trip past green fields and into smoggy trafficky metro manila. i feel so empty right now. and maybe a little bit broken somewhere.

i want nothing more than to be home in my own big bed right now, with kitty snuffling and snoring on my pillow. because that would mean i'd only be an hour away from you.

you have no idea how many nights i spent awake in that big bed, just thinking of you: breathing deeply, your skin warm with sleep, in a dark room. and the river somewhere outside.

i remember thinking of the dark water flowing past your house, and despairing that i'll never get the chance to watch you sleep, never get to wake you from the grip of a nightmare and tell you it's all right, i'm here.

but now i'm here. and there seems little else to say or do at the moment besides try to get some sleep.