Saturday, April 08, 2006
buryong, sumpong & other moods
this is one of those days. i've been locked up in my room all day, uploading photos. i did go out to the university for a cheap lunch with siege & eugene the russian guy. but the food was kinda horrible. and i tried to play it safe by getting omuraisu (omelette rice). but it was stodgy & the slaw nasty. got a soymilk and that too tasted horrible. it tasted not like fresh yummy taho, but like some vegetable matter sitting in the sun for a couple of weeks. the only thing to do on these days is take pictures of yourself and post them on a blog so that other people with more boring/interesting lives can look at you and say, "wow, she has a really nice jawline!"
my old room, before i moved into this closet
my old room on the 4th floor was much bigger than this. and warmer too. this makes crimson house a bit like a bapor tabo, don't you think? warmer & bigger rooms upstairs, tiny chilly rooms on the lower levels.
even the old bed looks cosier, even if my new one is actually the same size. i'm using the same sheets from that room and it all fits my new one perfectly. maybe the lighting made it all seem nicer.
i actually had a table and a workdesk with floating shelves above it. my new room looks third world in comparison, no matter the first world rent i have to pay for my 2.3m x 2.4m space. nyarf.
the night i packed my stuff to move to my new room, it looked like this. depressing no? i couldn't sleep that night, which was the sunday before classes started. tried to read but i couldn't concentrate.
so i decided to take pictures of myself. it can can be very amusing at 3 a.m. and you can hear weird moaning sounds coming from the room beside yours. but now that i think about it, it's weirder to take stalker-type pictures of yourself pretending to sleep.
but that didn't work. i still couldn't sleep. so i got up and took pictures of the view from my window. if you look very close, you won't see anything, heh heh.
but i do like this last one best. it evokes a certain air reminiscent of some scenes from in the mood for love but with bad lighting and a shaky hand holding the camera. i remember one recurring shot in the movie of a bare street lamp and one character or another walking under and past it. you don't know what the hell it means but it feels kinda important.
even the old bed looks cosier, even if my new one is actually the same size. i'm using the same sheets from that room and it all fits my new one perfectly. maybe the lighting made it all seem nicer.
i actually had a table and a workdesk with floating shelves above it. my new room looks third world in comparison, no matter the first world rent i have to pay for my 2.3m x 2.4m space. nyarf.
the night i packed my stuff to move to my new room, it looked like this. depressing no? i couldn't sleep that night, which was the sunday before classes started. tried to read but i couldn't concentrate.
so i decided to take pictures of myself. it can can be very amusing at 3 a.m. and you can hear weird moaning sounds coming from the room beside yours. but now that i think about it, it's weirder to take stalker-type pictures of yourself pretending to sleep.
but that didn't work. i still couldn't sleep. so i got up and took pictures of the view from my window. if you look very close, you won't see anything, heh heh.
but i do like this last one best. it evokes a certain air reminiscent of some scenes from in the mood for love but with bad lighting and a shaky hand holding the camera. i remember one recurring shot in the movie of a bare street lamp and one character or another walking under and past it. you don't know what the hell it means but it feels kinda important.
the ACPI welcome party at 63
the first party we went to was at the swanky 63 building, named because of its 63 floors. i think it's the tallest building in seoul. couldn't take a picture of it because yea jin arrived late at our meeting place (geongdok subway station) and we had to run from subway exit to the building in supercold weather. so instead, i got this photo from some other website. photo (c) NewWorldTourist co.LTD, whoever that is.
we had to wear filipiniana costume because it was the welcome dinner and orientation of the asian culture participation iniative (ACPI) program of korea's ministry of culture & tourism. we met other filipinos there but they live in other parts of seoul and go to other universities. lots of people wearing cool multi-culti outfits but we were more interested taking photos of ourselves. heh heh, we idiots. btw, pulling my hair back was a huge production number because the dry cold weather has made it impossible to control. but it was fun telling everyone that my outfit belonged to my late grandmother, something she had worn in the 1950s or thereabouts.
asmarani wearing a jilbab. a lovely person who misses her two children terribly. she's a workaholic in a tiny package, an asian writer who actually has an agent. her advocacy includes helping woman workers find their voice via writing.
cecep syamsul hari, the indonesian love poet. he likes to explore the city alone. chainsmokes clove flavored kreteks and is constantly giving out packs of gudang garam. he's usually outside our dorm, smoking. and when you sit in the lobby of crimson house, you can actually smell the kretek seeping through the glass doors.
cecep and yea jin talking at sunset, ignoring the city below them. siege said this looks like a movie moment, and you wonder what lofty things they could be talking about. at some point, i actually overheard yea jin say something about vedas and mahayana buddhism. am not making this up.
my first seoul sunset. you can't really see much here because i botched the shot. even today i'm still not sure how to use the camera. but i'm getting very good at taking photos of myself.
we had to wear filipiniana costume because it was the welcome dinner and orientation of the asian culture participation iniative (ACPI) program of korea's ministry of culture & tourism. we met other filipinos there but they live in other parts of seoul and go to other universities. lots of people wearing cool multi-culti outfits but we were more interested taking photos of ourselves. heh heh, we idiots. btw, pulling my hair back was a huge production number because the dry cold weather has made it impossible to control. but it was fun telling everyone that my outfit belonged to my late grandmother, something she had worn in the 1950s or thereabouts.
asmarani wearing a jilbab. a lovely person who misses her two children terribly. she's a workaholic in a tiny package, an asian writer who actually has an agent. her advocacy includes helping woman workers find their voice via writing.
cecep syamsul hari, the indonesian love poet. he likes to explore the city alone. chainsmokes clove flavored kreteks and is constantly giving out packs of gudang garam. he's usually outside our dorm, smoking. and when you sit in the lobby of crimson house, you can actually smell the kretek seeping through the glass doors.
cecep and yea jin talking at sunset, ignoring the city below them. siege said this looks like a movie moment, and you wonder what lofty things they could be talking about. at some point, i actually overheard yea jin say something about vedas and mahayana buddhism. am not making this up.
my first seoul sunset. you can't really see much here because i botched the shot. even today i'm still not sure how to use the camera. but i'm getting very good at taking photos of myself.
flying away*
title stolen from smoke city's seminal album flying away, and i mean seminal in the best way possible. below are some pictures of the day i flew to seoul.
the love of my life, with the stepmum who has promised to foster her while i'm gone.
kuya and the wiley wonkers kabonkers saying goodbye.
me & buddy siege on the plane after the first of our many korean meals together.
view from my window seat, somewhere over luzon.
somewhere over taiwan. the flight wasn't very interesting.
ngrarag from the 4-hour flight. in a taxi with yea jin & siege, on some highway from incheon to seoul.
very long drive over flat dry & cold landscape. it doesn't look cold here, but it is. like a full-body slap that you shakes you down to your bones.
more of the same. fell asleep from boredom & lack of sleep from the night before, spent packing & checking english 1 exams. woke up at crimson house, whose motto is "you belong to crimson house!!"
with indonesian writers asma & cecep. our first dinner in chilly seoul, a restaurant that opened 1971, on a street we call pedro gil (chang-something-gil is its real name) near korea university.
this is yea jin, our program manager. when she met us at the airport, she looked like a serious young woman working for a government institute. as you can see, krung krung pala siya. hindi naitago ang tunay na pagkatao niya. heh heh.
the love of my life, with the stepmum who has promised to foster her while i'm gone.
kuya and the wiley wonkers kabonkers saying goodbye.
me & buddy siege on the plane after the first of our many korean meals together.
view from my window seat, somewhere over luzon.
somewhere over taiwan. the flight wasn't very interesting.
ngrarag from the 4-hour flight. in a taxi with yea jin & siege, on some highway from incheon to seoul.
very long drive over flat dry & cold landscape. it doesn't look cold here, but it is. like a full-body slap that you shakes you down to your bones.
more of the same. fell asleep from boredom & lack of sleep from the night before, spent packing & checking english 1 exams. woke up at crimson house, whose motto is "you belong to crimson house!!"
with indonesian writers asma & cecep. our first dinner in chilly seoul, a restaurant that opened 1971, on a street we call pedro gil (chang-something-gil is its real name) near korea university.
this is yea jin, our program manager. when she met us at the airport, she looked like a serious young woman working for a government institute. as you can see, krung krung pala siya. hindi naitago ang tunay na pagkatao niya. heh heh.
Friday, April 07, 2006
that last goodbye*
top 5 things i miss most right now:
1) kitty, the love of my life
2) the other love of my life, nyahaha
3) my friends & my family, especially B & R
4) a kitchen where i can cook own food & bake
5) warm weather, sunshine, the beach -- all things summery
so here i am in my monkish cell dreaming of getting a sunburn. it's warmish in my tiny room but warmer under the covers. the past few night before i drop off from sheer exhaustion, visions of Hangeul characters dancing in my head, i find myself needing to go through pictures stored in my camera. i watch videos of kitty and look at the people i love. i miss you all terribly, you know, and this little ritual helps to make things a little better.
B at sunset, taken at that little CBTL at the new ortigas parklet.
the genius P generously giving me bootleg mp3s as a farewell gift.
me looking very equally genius when actually just ripping own CDs into mp3s to take to the land of the morning calm. photo taken by P.
what we like to call metaphotoraphy when we don't know any better.
more of the same. senti sunset photos follow. try not to laugh.
the view from oyster boy cubao after a certain level of blood to alcohol ratio is achieved.
* no apologies to jeff buckley because he's dead.
1) kitty, the love of my life
2) the other love of my life, nyahaha
3) my friends & my family, especially B & R
4) a kitchen where i can cook own food & bake
5) warm weather, sunshine, the beach -- all things summery
so here i am in my monkish cell dreaming of getting a sunburn. it's warmish in my tiny room but warmer under the covers. the past few night before i drop off from sheer exhaustion, visions of Hangeul characters dancing in my head, i find myself needing to go through pictures stored in my camera. i watch videos of kitty and look at the people i love. i miss you all terribly, you know, and this little ritual helps to make things a little better.
B at sunset, taken at that little CBTL at the new ortigas parklet.
the genius P generously giving me bootleg mp3s as a farewell gift.
me looking very equally genius when actually just ripping own CDs into mp3s to take to the land of the morning calm. photo taken by P.
what we like to call metaphotoraphy when we don't know any better.
more of the same. senti sunset photos follow. try not to laugh.
the view from oyster boy cubao after a certain level of blood to alcohol ratio is achieved.
* no apologies to jeff buckley because he's dead.
have you got any seoul?
i've been here for 10 days now and i have yet to post anything about what's been happening to me. precisely because so many things have been happening. i barely have time to sleep. and but so finally, here are some pictures. a photo story of sorts.
first off, some pictures from the many despedida thingies thrown for me the week before i actually left manila.
my friend emre and me at CBTL gateway. M says he looks like ewan mcgregor na turkish. heh heh.
we all love paolo manalo. paolo manalo kissing orgy at TOSH katipunan.
marby and me at chateau verde. paolo and ricky not in picture. the oysters were very good.
really yummy seafood dinner with tito and cousins at fish & co shangri-la mall. very fresh fish from vietnam turned into the perfect fish & chips dish. too bad it's not ecologically sustainable.
mark, gina and the lovely B also at CBTL gateway. we love QC!
first off, some pictures from the many despedida thingies thrown for me the week before i actually left manila.
my friend emre and me at CBTL gateway. M says he looks like ewan mcgregor na turkish. heh heh.
we all love paolo manalo. paolo manalo kissing orgy at TOSH katipunan.
marby and me at chateau verde. paolo and ricky not in picture. the oysters were very good.
really yummy seafood dinner with tito and cousins at fish & co shangri-la mall. very fresh fish from vietnam turned into the perfect fish & chips dish. too bad it's not ecologically sustainable.
mark, gina and the lovely B also at CBTL gateway. we love QC!
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
a picnic in my office & other parties
my good friends J and C decided to throw me a mini despedida party in my office at lunch today. they brought tuna+tomato sandwiches, lime-flavored tortilla chips, salsa with cheez whiz, grapes, diet soda and a bottle of starbucks frappucino (now chilling in my fridge along with a can of beer someone gave me last january). there was lots of catching up and speculation and well-wishing and picture-taking and prayer and a bit of crying involved. can't remember when i last enjoyed myself this much in my office (hahaha). the one regret i had was i was too busy to prepare anything for our little lunch party. J even gave me a nice silk scarf and sparkly butterfly earrings. yay. i just love women pushing forty.
while we were eating, KLL also dropped by to show me some brochures about korea, except he brought stuff about another city whose name sounds like gwang-zhou but is spelled differently. he's also being invited to a 6-month writers residency starting may so if things work out with his thesis defense schedule, i'll be seeing him at some midpoint between seoul and wherever it is he's planning to go. he's been giving me good advice about stuff i may need to do or buy because he spent 5 freezing days there last december. strangely, he said it might help to stock up on camping gear, of all things. long story but he does have a point.
surprise surprise: i got email today from this young fil-am guy sorta dated briefly last year. he's about to graduate from one of the UCs (yes, quite young) and has been reading some post-communist thingy which he says doesn't take into consideration some diaspora of some sort. no idea what he's talking about. i can still see his tattoos and his backwards cap... hee hee. cute, considering how he's twice my weight and is probably 90% muscle. i just kept laughing at his thing for r & b and his "brotherhood" (read: frat) patterned after the keh-tsee-poo-nehn (not his accent). might have hurt his feelings a little there.
the night before, my friend R and R's friend C introduced us to C, an exchange student who was born in gensan but grew up down under. he has the cutest aussie accent ever. it went really well with the billabong shirt he was wearing. and at dinner today (at chateau verde with P, R and M--our last time together in the next 5 years) we were all gushing about C's accent. it doesn't hurt that he's really cute too. even my sister kept mentioning him the day after we met him. hot, young and aussie. heh heh.
we were at TOSH monday night. R said it was just going to be him & me so i asked my sister B to come along. R said to be there at 7 but we were late because we decided to get a massage. he called me just as the masseuse was about to end. i let it ring for a while then answerd. he didn't sound happy at being made to wait alone so i ran (after putting on my clothes of course) from the spa place to the resto. punyeta. when i got there, he wasn't alone pala. everyone was there: P, R, C, C, B & A. S, J, and even their prof CO came in after me. the suprise was at turns nasty and very very (cringe) touching. it's no fun getting roasted by colleagues when your students are having dinner at a table right behind you.
my tito's family is also throwing me a despedida dinner at a seafood resto at shang mall wednesday. had to cancel a boozefest with my daddy friends E, E and J. am hoping we can still get together before i go but the sked is super tight.
thursday is language exam and poetry reading day at the bonsai garden in UP. that's going to be a lot of fun. i asked A, P and B to go, as well as random people from my other classes. dinner and maybe some drinks after.
friday night will be good clean fun with proverbs31 girls after a whole day of oral exams. not sure where we're meeting but i'm sure it'll be great as always.
saturday night maybe in manila with G, turkish delight E and maybe B. E has been inviting us to this resto/bar at the top of some hotel in manila which has a spectacular view of the city. E's in china now but thankfully will be back in time to see me before i leave.
sunday will be relatively quiet. lunch despedida at lolo's house, church with ninang and some major paper checking with lola M at cbtl ruby in ortigas. lovely place now used to be a crappy vacant lot just recently. now there's a little park with benches and a nice cbtl on one side. great hangout for checking but not as convenient as cbtl gateway.
in between the partying, i have a ton of stuff to do. nothing i want to write about here.
while we were eating, KLL also dropped by to show me some brochures about korea, except he brought stuff about another city whose name sounds like gwang-zhou but is spelled differently. he's also being invited to a 6-month writers residency starting may so if things work out with his thesis defense schedule, i'll be seeing him at some midpoint between seoul and wherever it is he's planning to go. he's been giving me good advice about stuff i may need to do or buy because he spent 5 freezing days there last december. strangely, he said it might help to stock up on camping gear, of all things. long story but he does have a point.
surprise surprise: i got email today from this young fil-am guy sorta dated briefly last year. he's about to graduate from one of the UCs (yes, quite young) and has been reading some post-communist thingy which he says doesn't take into consideration some diaspora of some sort. no idea what he's talking about. i can still see his tattoos and his backwards cap... hee hee. cute, considering how he's twice my weight and is probably 90% muscle. i just kept laughing at his thing for r & b and his "brotherhood" (read: frat) patterned after the keh-tsee-poo-nehn (not his accent). might have hurt his feelings a little there.
the night before, my friend R and R's friend C introduced us to C, an exchange student who was born in gensan but grew up down under. he has the cutest aussie accent ever. it went really well with the billabong shirt he was wearing. and at dinner today (at chateau verde with P, R and M--our last time together in the next 5 years) we were all gushing about C's accent. it doesn't hurt that he's really cute too. even my sister kept mentioning him the day after we met him. hot, young and aussie. heh heh.
we were at TOSH monday night. R said it was just going to be him & me so i asked my sister B to come along. R said to be there at 7 but we were late because we decided to get a massage. he called me just as the masseuse was about to end. i let it ring for a while then answerd. he didn't sound happy at being made to wait alone so i ran (after putting on my clothes of course) from the spa place to the resto. punyeta. when i got there, he wasn't alone pala. everyone was there: P, R, C, C, B & A. S, J, and even their prof CO came in after me. the suprise was at turns nasty and very very (cringe) touching. it's no fun getting roasted by colleagues when your students are having dinner at a table right behind you.
my tito's family is also throwing me a despedida dinner at a seafood resto at shang mall wednesday. had to cancel a boozefest with my daddy friends E, E and J. am hoping we can still get together before i go but the sked is super tight.
thursday is language exam and poetry reading day at the bonsai garden in UP. that's going to be a lot of fun. i asked A, P and B to go, as well as random people from my other classes. dinner and maybe some drinks after.
friday night will be good clean fun with proverbs31 girls after a whole day of oral exams. not sure where we're meeting but i'm sure it'll be great as always.
saturday night maybe in manila with G, turkish delight E and maybe B. E has been inviting us to this resto/bar at the top of some hotel in manila which has a spectacular view of the city. E's in china now but thankfully will be back in time to see me before i leave.
sunday will be relatively quiet. lunch despedida at lolo's house, church with ninang and some major paper checking with lola M at cbtl ruby in ortigas. lovely place now used to be a crappy vacant lot just recently. now there's a little park with benches and a nice cbtl on one side. great hangout for checking but not as convenient as cbtl gateway.
in between the partying, i have a ton of stuff to do. nothing i want to write about here.
Thursday, March 02, 2006
earth has nothing i desire but you
Psalm 73:25-26 (New International Version)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
I read this this morning. Made me cry but it's also...heartening. The second line just leapt out at me and I went all teary-eyed. I like the cadence of it, how very grand it sounds at the beginning, and then it slows and becomes quiet, like a thought that explodes in the mind. There's one particular thing that's just driving me bonkers right now and this is like keeping me from dissolving into molecules. (Line stolen from Before Sunset. And I'm sure many of you who read this already know that.)
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
I read this this morning. Made me cry but it's also...heartening. The second line just leapt out at me and I went all teary-eyed. I like the cadence of it, how very grand it sounds at the beginning, and then it slows and becomes quiet, like a thought that explodes in the mind. There's one particular thing that's just driving me bonkers right now and this is like keeping me from dissolving into molecules. (Line stolen from Before Sunset. And I'm sure many of you who read this already know that.)
Monday, February 27, 2006
off to the land of cyber athletes
for those i haven't seen in the past few weeks, i gots good news: i'm going to korea on a 6-month writers residency exchange program. it's more of a cultural exchange and immersion thingy. i have to attend korean language and literature classes mondays to fridays from 9am to 1pm at the korea university. then we have trips to cool korean places and we get to meet young korean writers (very important question: are there any cute guys in korea?). they pay for everything; we get a stipend of close to 6 million krw. hope that's enough for the many gadgets i hope to buy.
i have to be there by 28 march so it means i only have four weeks left to get my act together. i have yet to prepare my wardrobe (for spring, summer and autumn), books (pinoy lit and other good stuff i've been saving for prison or retirement) and luggage. eek. the only thing i've done so far is to buy a new digicam with a nice orange case. my friend E says i have to buy rechargable batteries and a charger and a big memory card so i can take videos of my dog to take to korea.
the semester is just about to wind down so this means i'll have to submit my grades a little early. i was also told that i'll have to resign from my teaching job at UP effective april 1st because my contract end may and i won't be here by then. i was also told i can't be renewed for the next academic year because this korea thing messed up my thesis defense schedule. i'll be back in september and will have to earn my degree when i get back so i can get re-appointed as assistant professor.
there'll be 6 of us participating in the program, 2 writers each from indonesia, thailand and the philippines. the other pinoy is young novelist S, aka JCM, who i'm told is a little weird. there are 4 novelists in the group, a poet and me (not sure how to classify myself--nonfiction writer-slash-teacher-slash-hottie? heh.) it'll be really cool meeting lots of new people and exploring a new city but i'm terrified of a lot of things.
i have a wonderful support system here, lots of friends and family who love me, and i'm about to travel and live abroad for the first time. aside from my family, i'm going to miss my dog, kitty, who my dad is going to foster while i'm gone. i'm going to insanely miss R and E and my sister B. but most of all, i'll miss my good friend P, who i'm used to seeing every so often, and having week-long conversations with. it'll be like losing my cousin A all over again.
anyway. this is a good thing that everyone tells me is a blessing i should enjoy. and i'm sure i will, once i get past the fear and the crazy crying jags P says i will most likely have the first 2 months. i remember something a student wrote for a stalking assignment i gave some years ago: we don't know what the hell we're doing and still, we soldier on.
i have to be there by 28 march so it means i only have four weeks left to get my act together. i have yet to prepare my wardrobe (for spring, summer and autumn), books (pinoy lit and other good stuff i've been saving for prison or retirement) and luggage. eek. the only thing i've done so far is to buy a new digicam with a nice orange case. my friend E says i have to buy rechargable batteries and a charger and a big memory card so i can take videos of my dog to take to korea.
the semester is just about to wind down so this means i'll have to submit my grades a little early. i was also told that i'll have to resign from my teaching job at UP effective april 1st because my contract end may and i won't be here by then. i was also told i can't be renewed for the next academic year because this korea thing messed up my thesis defense schedule. i'll be back in september and will have to earn my degree when i get back so i can get re-appointed as assistant professor.
there'll be 6 of us participating in the program, 2 writers each from indonesia, thailand and the philippines. the other pinoy is young novelist S, aka JCM, who i'm told is a little weird. there are 4 novelists in the group, a poet and me (not sure how to classify myself--nonfiction writer-slash-teacher-slash-hottie? heh.) it'll be really cool meeting lots of new people and exploring a new city but i'm terrified of a lot of things.
i have a wonderful support system here, lots of friends and family who love me, and i'm about to travel and live abroad for the first time. aside from my family, i'm going to miss my dog, kitty, who my dad is going to foster while i'm gone. i'm going to insanely miss R and E and my sister B. but most of all, i'll miss my good friend P, who i'm used to seeing every so often, and having week-long conversations with. it'll be like losing my cousin A all over again.
anyway. this is a good thing that everyone tells me is a blessing i should enjoy. and i'm sure i will, once i get past the fear and the crazy crying jags P says i will most likely have the first 2 months. i remember something a student wrote for a stalking assignment i gave some years ago: we don't know what the hell we're doing and still, we soldier on.
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